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Blow Job
"Blow Job" is the 5th episode of Fantasia. Plot Hundreds of giant spiders are seen scuttling through an abandoned part of the great realm Fantasia, each one of them carrying a body part or scrap on their backs. When the shot pans out, it becomes clear why this particular part of the world is abandoned – it is where the curse is approaching. A line of dark smoke drifts across the land, turning everything in its wake heavily decrepit and horrible. It moves very slowly, but is very obviously something which one would want to avoid, yet the spiders keep approaching it. They themselves form a line on the living side of the curse, and each one of them throws whatever's on their backs into the smoke. Within the smoke, each part comes together like an odd magnetism, and the spiders all clack happily. Soon enough, a hideous creature steps out of the smoke, having been revived by its special brand of living-dead magic – it's Valentina, the zombie spider. Her skin is beginning to rot and smell, and immediately her eyeball pops out of its socket, but she casually pops it back in with an evil smile. She begins making her way through the living side of the curse, and her spiderlings follow her, communicating with their mother through clacks of their mighty pincers. "What we do next, my babies, is continue with the plan. As I'm sure you're aware, there's a certain something I was hoping to collect before my, um, 'death'... well, I suppose it's time to go get her..." As Val and her spiderlings make their way through the abandoned part of the world, we see several zombies sneak out from the line of smoke that is the curse, having been freed when a new physical being – Val – entered. At Master Rocky's grand mansion, where our heroes train, Joe, Ben, Josh and Ali are seen standing outside Joanna's bedroom; the door is closed. "Don't you think we should go visit her? Make sure she's alright?" Ali asks sympathetically. "Nah," says Josh, "She needs rest. Let's just forget about her." "Okay," Ali tells him without a second thought, and Ben and Joe both shrug and follow the other two through the mansion, making their way down to the lounge area. Here, Rocky is waiting for them, and tells Ali that he wanted to talk to her. She wonders what about, and he points out that it seems she's decides to stay. She nods, signifying that she has, and Rocky tells her, "You'll be needing this then." And with that, Rocky draws the outline of a jumpsuit with his horn, and a pink outfit with a heart branded over the chest comes into existence, grafting itself onto Ali. She looks at herself, and finds this bitchin', and turns to the others. "OMG, I look fucking awesome!" "Great, now can we sit? We just killed a monster, it's time to rest," Josh states. "Screw that! I'm gonna go train! I'm a motherfucking superhero!" Ali exclaims, squealing with joy. "Actually," says Joe, which immediately launches the others into a groan, "We're not superheroes." "Here we go," Ben states, and Ali asks Joe what he means. "We're not twats in capes with our underwear over our tights, we're sorcerers," he explains. "Yes, Joe. Sorcerers who save the world. Ergo, superheroes," Josh tells him, but Joe says that he's clearly got his definitions mixed up; "I take my sorcery very seriously, unlike you guys who treat it like a shitty comic book!" "Why does it matter what we call it?" Ali wonders, "The point is that we help people with our kick-ass powers, right?" "I don't expect you to understand," Joe tells her, "You're from a realm without magic. Where what we do isn't in the everyday curriculum. You can never be a true sorcerer... you're an earthling." In flashback, we are taken into a scene on a whole other world. It's primitive, with a variety of castles and mountains and forests and no technology at all; it looks rather similar to Earth in the middle-ages, but it obviously isn't due to the large battlefield filled with unearthly creatures. On one side, an army of elves – tall, immortal warriors with pointed ears – fire their many arrows from their many bows with utmost precision at their enemies. Their enemies, the dreaded Orcs, run at them with savage weaponry forged poorly of metal, but still very deadly. Many are shot down by the elves' deft archery, but elves are killed too by the Orcs' brute force. It is soon apparent that millions of Orcs are on the horizon, ready to join the battle, whereas the elves are limited in number and running out of arrows. The battle continues and it's not long before the death toll ratio switches, and the elves begin praying for a miracle. Suddenly, the Orcs all stop. The air whips very fast around them, and is soon suddenly sucked away, created a vacuum. With nothing to breath, many of the Orcs begin choking, but most of their heads explode due to the speed of the air withdrawal. In less than five seconds, the entire army is dead, leaving the elves completely flabbergasted. A large gust of wind soon blows over their heads and settles on a large rock, which acts like a stage. This gust soon takes the form of a man – Joe. He has a long, brown beard and caries a staff, being dressed in robes of the purest white, an a upward-pointed hat that matches. He is met by cheers from the elves, who soon begin chanting the word "Aer" over and over, knowing who this grand sorcerer is. Joe admires the admiration, and is happy to know that yet another civilization is safe thanks to him. In the present day, our heroes – minus Joanna – are practicing their magical capabilities in a sort of dojo within Rocky's mansion. Suddenly, the devices on Joe, Ben and Josh's wrists start bleeping, and they press a button which causes a hologram of the beautiful, ginger Liz to appear. "What's the problem, HQ?" Josh asks, and Liz tells them: "It's here! The curse, it's here! It, it must be!" "Whoa, whoa, slow down. The curse... it moves at a super slow pace. It can't have arrived in the major cities yet," Ben says, and Liz tells the heroes to look outside. Joe turns into a cloud of air and whizzes over to the door, becoming a man again before opening it. He is shocked by what he sees – a dozen zombies are slowly approaching the mansion. "But... but that's impossible! They're confined to the cursed sections of the land, we made sure of it!" The others soon arrive and see the zombies themselves; each are shocked also. "Relax, relax, the curse is not here," Rocky assures everyone, having flown down the stairs. "Then what the fuck?!" Josh yells. "The fuck is that some zombies have escaped. The more appropriate question is: how have they done this?" Araneae, otherwise known as Valentina, is seen waiting in the abandoned part of Fantasia as her many spiderlings scuttle towards her. A group of them have a human body wrapped up in a web, and drop it at Val's several feet. She uses her sharper legs to tear the web open, and inside is an unconscious girl. Val smiles at the sight of her. "Come on, my babies! We're taking her to Mortem..." One of her children clacks in her ear, and she tells it, "Yes, I'm perfectly aware that the Dark Lord's palace has been destroyed, but I'm perfectly capable of sniffing out great sources of dark magic. Now come! We're bringing with us an Elemental!" The spiders cheer through their pincers, and Val picks the girl up with a couple of her spindly legs and begins scuttling her way to Joey's current base of operations. As she does so, several of her teeth fall out followed by one of her ears, but she tries her best to stick it back to her head and smiles optimistically, asking her spider children, "Anyone else really hungry for brains?" They clack in confusion, and simply follow their mother. Back at the mansion, the dozen zombies station themselves around the perimeter and begin emitting black smoke, trying to contaminate the house's magical protection with their own brand of necromancy. "This is highly troubling," Rocky states, "It shall require each and every one of our magical capabilities in order to stop them!" "But, where's Joanna?" Ben asks. "Who cares?" Rocky tells him, "Get out there!" "I can toast these corpses," Josh states, but Rocky looks further troubled by this news. "Do not forget, these are the people we are inevitably trying to restore, we are not to harm them." "But, if we can't kill them... what can we do?" Ben asks. "I'm sure you'll think of something," Rocky assures them, "I shall fetch Vita. He might take some convincing, but his magic is sure to help in his crisis." The uni-dog begins flying up the stairs, and Ben, Josh, Joe and Ali make their way out of the mansion. "Don't worry, I've fought one before," Ali explains, "...and I was able to—" Ali is bitten in the neck by a zombie and suddenly collapses to the floor. Suddenly, zombies seize Ben and Josh, and bite them too. They attempt to seize Joe, but he turns into a puff of wind and watches as eyes in the sky two more of his friends collapse. In flashback, the same pair of eyes float their way through a tavern in the same middle-ages-like world we saw earlier. When he forms into a man, Aer is again wearing robes, a hat and is sporting a staff and beard. The tavern owner immediately gives him a pint of Meade on the house, and Aer happily drinks it as many passersby recognize him and thank him for whatever it is he's done to save them in the past. He chuckles happily, drinking his Meade, but is shocked when a blue, swirling vortex opens up next to him, out of which comes Rocky. "That's a new trick," Aer comments, seeing the dog with a horn on its head, "Are you a sorcerer as well?" "Yes," Rocky says, ignoring the people staring at him, "My name is Rocky, and you...?" "My name is Aer," Joe tells him. "By the fact that you asked me if I too was a sorcerer, I take it I've come to the right person. But I don't believe Aer is your name. What is your real one?" "Why should I tell you?" Joe wonders. "Because you trust me," Rocky states, "And you know it." Smiling, Aer introduces himself as "Joe", and Rocky comments that he likes the idea of using Latin words as aliases; "I might steal that idea from you, if you don't mind." "Who the heck are you?" Joe asks, and Rocky again introduces himself; "I'm your master." "My master?" Joe asks, "I have no master." "You do now, and I need you Joe. You need to help me. You need to help everyone. A powerful curse is soon to spread across my realm, and you are one of the only people who can stop it." "Why should I help you? What even are you?" Joe asks. "A friend," Rocky assures him, "And you should help me because that's what you do. And you know for a fact that you've already helped out as much as you can in this realm; it's time to save another." Joe contemplates this, and nods, saying he'll discuss it more in the dog's realm, but he wonders where they're going. "Fantasia," Rocky tells him, drawing a portal with his horn. "Oh, and if you do decide to stay, you'll have to shave that beard." "Why?" Joe wonders. "It looks stupid," Rocky tells him, and the two of them enter the blue vortex. Joe blows into the mansion in present day, forming a human inside. Rocky is standing with Rena, and asks Joe what's wrong. "The zombies! They... they bit the others! I... I don't know... are they dead?" Joe asks, worried. Rocky takes a look out the door and sees the three unconscious heroes, assuring Joe that they aren't dead, but are on the way to becoming zombies themselves. "How do I stop it?" Joe wonders, but Rocky tells Aer to leave that to him; "You just focus on ridding the un-cursed part of this land of the undead." "How do I do that without killing them?" Joe asks, "Perhaps you could create one of your portals." "No," Rocky states, "My portals aren't designed to transport such amounts of dark magic. You have to do this yourself." "But how?!" Joe asks, not knowing what to do. "Think, air and wind passes in and out that curse everyday without becoming contaminated! Be creative," the uni-dog instructs. Joe turns into a cloud and floats out of the door, looking down at his dying friends and thinking hard. Suddenly, his floating eyes sparkle with a new idea, and Joe begins spinning rapidly around. He spins faster and faster and faster until a fully-fledged tornado stands in front of the mansion. Under Joe's control, the tornado only sucks in the undead, and he makes his way through Fantasia, sucking up any zombies that may have escaped. He soon spins his way through the abandoned part of the realm, with dozens of zombies twirling around him, and he approaches the curse, being able to pass through it without becoming a zombie himself. Once he's in the already cursed parts of the land, Joe resumes his human form, and all the zombies drop to the ground. He smiles, but remembers his endangered friends, turning into a puff of wind and flying back through the curse, making his way back to them. Back at the mansion, Rocky takes a confused Rena outside, having just explained to the newly-created man what it is he needs to do. Nodding, Rena licks each hand and rubs them together. He then extends his arm and causes golden light to flow from each of his palms. This golden energy wraps itself around Ben, and Josh, and Ali, but only the latter's eyes open, Cor having been revived. She sits up, and the golden light dissipates, leaving Rocky confused. "Something's missing..." the dog utters, confused, and Ali looks around at her friends, wondering what's wrong with them. Rocky explains that death magic is currently contaminating them, and Ali suggests that she do what she did the first time she met a zombie and remind them of their life. "They're unconscious, they won't be able to comprehend you," Rocky tells her. "There's more than one way to remind someone that they're alive," Ali tells the dog, and with that, she grabs Ben and gives him a huge kiss on the lips. His eyes shoot open. She then kisses Josh, whose eyes open also, and the two men sit up, wondering what happened. "I'll tell you what happened – Vita's power didn't work," Rocky tells them. "Maybe it only revived me because we have a special connection. He was made from my heart, I guess I'm like... his mom," Ali says. Having flown back, Joe forms beside Ali, and tells her that he owes her an apology. "What for?" the girl wonders, and he explains, "When I was putting the zombies back to where they belong, I realized... I was saving people. Just like I've done my whole life. And you don't have to be a sorcerer to be able to save people... but you do need to be a hero." Ali smiles, but Joe soon notices Rocky's quizzical inspection of Vita, and asks his master what's wrong. "I can't think why he failed at reviving the others... if he can't do that, he sure as hell can't break the curse... it's like... some of his magic is missing... like he's not quite complete yet..." Mortem is sitting in his new lair with his imp at his side, when suddenly, Valentina scuttles her way in, carrying with her the unconscious girl. She throws the girl on the floor, and greets Joey, who is mildly surprised to see her. "Yes, I predicted you would use my magic to save yourself. If all has gone to plan, you unleashed some of my new minions from the curse-bound half of the realm. Those pesky heroes should be zombies themselves soon enough." "I'm afraid not," Val tells him, and Joey looks at her evilly, wondering what she means. "Use your magic, see for yourself," she tells him. Mortem waves his hand and creates a vision of the mansion. He sees Joe, Ali, Josh, Rocky, Ben and Rena standing outside, and zooms in on the latter, wondering who it is. "That... is life," Araneae tells him, and Joey appears distraught. "No... NO!" he yells, slamming his fist, but Valentina tells him not to worry, pointing out her guest on the floor. "Yes," says Joey, "Who is she?" "She," Val explains, "Is the reason why Vita can never break the curse." "I'm listening..." Joey tells her, and after Val's other eye falls out, she sticks it back in and tells the necromancer that the girl's name is Mary, "Otherwise known as Procella." "Procella? The last Elemental? But she's just a myth... even Rocky himself knows that," Joey tells her. "And yet," says Val, "Here she is." She gestures Mary, whose eyes open. She stands up and wonders where she is. "You, my dear, are home," Joey tells her happily. "You haven't heard the best part yet," says Val, "Her mind's been wiped. She's a blank slate. You can easily use your magic and influence to make her into one of your minions..." "So, without her power inside of him, Vita shall fail?" Joey asks, and Val nods. "Not only that," she says, "But she can be trained to kill every last one of those annoying fucking heroes." "It should take ten episodes to train her fully, if the legends are correct," Mortem says. "What're episodes?" Val wonders, and Joey admits to not knowing; "But we will know when the time comes." Joey smiles, and looks at Mary/Procella, whose hand crackles with electricity. Category:Episodes